The average person spends 11,862 hours in the bathroom — which equals one year, four months and five days — in a lifetime. It’s amazing the crapper, or as some say, “the toilet,” has evolved so little since the Romans invented the latrine in 2500 B.C., with the most significant advance happening when Albert Giblin, an employee of Thomas Crapper, perfected an effective flush toilet in 1898. The days of emperors and queens have ended, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve your very own bathroom throne.

Fear not, boring toilet victims! Thanks to Roto-Rooter, the ultimate toilet now exists. They’ve developed a customized, one-of-a-kind throne; a truly “Pimped out John,” designed to fulfill all of your wildest bathroom dreams.

Roto-Rooter’s “Pimped out John” is outfitted with every feature a modern king or queen could want in a bathroom throne, and underneath all of the trappings, is a superb Kohler toilet. This amazing commode is fully loaded with the following “luxury enhancements”:

– Philips 20-inch LCD TV and Star Wars DVD
– Xbox 360 gaming system
– Philips DVD player
– Gateway EMachineâ„¢ laptop computer with fully articulated robot arm
– iPod with stereo docking station equipped with toilet paper dispenser
– Roto-Rooter “emergency” button
– Tivo recorder
– Avanti refrigerator with beer tap, stocked with drinks and snacks
– Magazine rack and subscriptions to Sports Illustrated, ESPN and GQ
– Bike pedal exerciser
– Cup warmer / cooler

Al Bundy would be proud!